Lotties Loves

The Battle of the School Run Mums

Who knew that actually something as simple as taking your child to school could be fraught with such risks.  Certainly not me. I naively thought that the school playground was a place of happiness, where friendships are made and where kids and mum’s bond over small talk and promises of coffee.  Four days into ‘School Run’ and it appears that this is not the case.  I’ve tried really hard week, I did my hair, I managed to find make-up that was still in date and useable and I even put on matching shoes and resisted temptation to go out in my UGG boots. However, it seems that the school playground is a jungle, and one that needs some strategic negotiating in order to make it safe.

I had been watching the new Sky1 comedy Gates to prepare me for this ‘induction’ and thought that this comedy was a parody on what it would really be like.  I was however wrong, and even with my rose tinted spectacles, I was not prepared for just how tough it would be to find a common ground on day 1.

It seems that many of the mums already have their own little niche of friends.  Many of the kids starting have older siblings at the school and this not their first foray into the school run. They are like hardened criminals, more adept than me at getting the best parking space near the school gate and a dab hand at arriving bang on 3:15pm to grab that important right by the gate spot for their child to make a beeline for them.

They also seem to congregate in groups with other mums on the school run and these groups, like migrating animals huddle together in droves and move as one cohesive unit.   All mum’s in at 3:15pm all mums and kids out at 3:25pm.

They seem to fall into three groups of school run mums so far:-

  • The Squirrels – these mums huddle together in a cohesive ball, protecting their Prada handbags and St Tropez tans whilst discussing which night next week is good for toning tables and are they going to pole dancercise again next week?  I have no idea what ‘pole dancercise’ is but it sounds frightening and something that only their size 10 spandex booty can achieve, whilst if I attempted my size 16 booty might pull the pole out the ceiling rather than me climbing up it.  These mums are well groomed, their hair looks like that glossy shiny hair you see in magazines like Elle and Conde Naste which I can no longer afford as they mean that Roo doesn’t get her CBeebies weekly.  They slink their way across the playground in sky scraper heels and the skinniest jeans and most of them start their day at 9:15am after their appointment with the local botox salon to ensure that by 3:15pm they still look just as good for their TOWIE Mark Wright look alike husband as when he left the house at 7am.
  • The Meerkats – these mum’s stare into their mobile phones busily playing angry birds, sharing photos or texting each other (yes seriously, yesterday one mum actually texted the other about going out next week for a drink when she was standing next to her).  One mum of the group, usually the responsible looking one stands as sentry and watches the school classroom door for their kids arriving and then shouts at “Karen, incoming, Jenny, incoming” and rounds up the kids to each parent.  These mums are decked out head to toe in practical wet weather gear. Often sporting bright wellies and quilted Joules coats I quite envy their relaxed laid back style.  They seem to carry a bag to cover every eventually, one with umbrellas, another with scooters, spare shoes and cuddly toys spewed forth from one Meerkats bags yesterday.  There’s me huddling in a cardigan and a pair of fleece Birkenstocks and failing miserably at making in-roads into their chirpy little group.
  • The Lions – this is the last playground group and be warned.  They are as fierce as Rita Ora’s bleach blonde hair.  They screech at their kids as they drop them at lunchtime usually with lines like “do I have to THINK of everything, can’t you just remember your PE kit”.  They are usually accompanied by multiple number of children and musical instruments, as they ultimately wants the best for their kids at any cost. The Lions seem to have taken over one corner of the school gate playground and pace around talking animatedly to each other about how useless their husbands are and organising sleepovers for their classmates so that the little darlings can have ‘study groups’ and coach each other for their forthcoming spelling test.

As yet I am unsure as to where I fit in the general consensus of school run mums.  I have tried now on three occasions this week to talk to one parent from Roo’s class only for her to go back to playing games on her mobile phone.  Another mum informed me that she couldn’t stop and chat because ‘the pub round the corner was only open for another 15 minutes’ and the only person to engage me in any form of conversation has been one of the dad’s when he picked his daughter up the other night.  Thanks to that dad for not making me feel like a social outcast – you shall get a Christmas card and one of the nice ones.

I’ve always been a shy person, but more so in the last few years as my self confidence took knock after knock.  I thought that the years of competing and trying to fit with the ‘in crowd’ had passed when I left school but it seems not.  It seems that there is a new game to be played and I need to get up to speed on how to make friends quickly before I get savaged by the lions!

8 thoughts on “The Battle of the School Run Mums

  1. I haven’t experienced this yet and have a couple of years before I will but by nature I can appear a bit stand-offish myself. Given time (more than just a couple of days) I am actually very friendly and (I believe) a good friend to have, having been hurt so much in the past I just prefer to have a few select friends. I am sorry you are finding it tough but I am sure you will, in time, find a friend or two, particularly when after school play dates start! Xx
    Mummy Glitzer recently posted..Contrary Toddler BehaviourMy Profile

  2. I have never fitted into any of those groups. When Samuel first started school I worked nearly full time and his childminder did the school run. Then later when I worked less hours and could pick him up myself I found it virtually impossible to blend in, and because Samuel never “fitted” in with his peer group at mainstream school I began dreading the school run (believe me its heartbreaking to hear the other mums talking about their kids parties and get togethers knowing full well that your child will not be invited to any).

    Now he’s at special school and has school transport, but I’m all to aware that I have 2 more children starting school in the next couple of years and will have to face the playground nightmare all over again!
    Karen Marquick recently posted..The Sound of MusicMy Profile

  3. I had a bad start to my oldest going to school, I got involved with the PTA and to be honest I wished I never had, they gave me all the rubbish jobs and when we had meetings. felt they all looked down on me and my family. I have good group of friends now and you know where you stand with them and they don’t talk behing your back, all I can say is some people REALLY do need to get a a life!

  4. Glad to see all playgrounds are the same being a working mum it’s a nightmare to be accepted now pregnant with my second I have been on bed rest since 22 weeks I have finally managed to speak to some of the mums and with baby due in 2 weeks I’m sure they will congregate around my new bundle !!!! Hang in there if gets easier x

  5. So funny reading this and so true, I dread the school run, it’s like everyday it’s raining and the aim is to get in and out, do not pass go or grab an out of jail card ( however appropriate that would seem) and avoid contact at all cost, that way you can’t be ignored, shunned or given peculiar looks and you have escaped the hunt lol. The cliquey- ness is so old school if you’ll pardon the pun.Yet we have to teach our children to be sociable, outgoing happy people, funny that.
    Well done in exposing the true meaning of school runs and adding some humour.

  6. working full time so no time to stand around and chat much. heading straight to work am in office wear, heels are in the car and wear pumps on the school run. I leave my car at home as its only 5 minutes walk so need comfort. I’m glad i dont fit in as there seems to be alot of oneupmanship going on. Friday i work from home and i dress like a slob. i embrace the fact i dont have to make any effort, converse, soft days worn saggy arsed jeans, and any clip that can make my greasy unwashed hair stop itching my face.

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