Finally A Diagnosis

woman-with-stomach-pain

Many of you know, and I’ve been honest through my blog, that three years ago now I suffered a ruptured ectopic pregnancy that nearly killed me.  After a six hour life saving surgery I was left with one ovary and since then have suffered terribly with horrendous periods that mean I pretty much am useless for 4 – 5 days and cannot function.  That coupled with the bloating that makes me look 7 months pregnant, the horrendous debilitating hormonal changes to the point where I can’t get through a day without crying every 10 minutes, the brain fog and extreme depression made me realise  that something was amiss.

A trip to my local hospital and some uncomfortable scans later I was diagnosed with PCOS syndrome on my remaining ovary.  So now not only was I the mother that couldn’t carry a child, I was now a woman with a useless remaining ovary that may as well have been taken away during the original surgery (in actual fact they wanted to but as I’d been under anaesthetic for too long they couldn’t make that call).  Kids are a no no for me and this is the hardest part to deal with at 35.  To have had the option of more children there and snatched from me and no chance of it changing has been the hardest thing to deal with.

My periods since this have been hell on earth.  I cannot even begin to put into words how in the week before I simply cannot function.  The fog that descends on me is thicker than an old London pea souper.  I have no desire, drive, wish to do anything.  I either eat nothing or binge to extremes. I don’t sleep, can’t sleep.  My anger is off the scale – trying to reign this in with a 4 year old is hard, really hard.  Most days I am at breaking point.  I am anxious, irritable and cannot concentrate.  There are months where I’ve questioned myself, my ability as a mother and whether I want to be here.

This is not your normal PMS this is so much more and finally today after a long chat with my GP it looks like I have a potential diagnosis.  It looks as if I am suffering from PMDD which is premenstrual dysphoric disorder.  An extreme and severe form of PMS.  Having gone through the checklist of symptoms with my GP I pretty much tick every box and then some.

I have to ring them tomorrow to try to get a physical appointment and discuss options but I don’t want medication.  I’ve been on medication for my PCOS for about 15 months and it’s stopped working completely and if there is a better option I want to hear about it.  Right now though I feel better knowing that there actually ‘is’ something wrong with me rather than it being in my head or me being a failure as that’s what I was beginning to envisage.

Where I go next, I am not sure but I’d be lost without my blog as an outlet to track this next part of my journey of motherhood.

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Comments (7)

  1. Carolin

    Big hugs, lovely, but you might get a surprise. My friend was diagnosed with severe PCOS and had many of the symptoms you describe. Well, she’s 10 weeks pregnant with a surprise baby now x
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  2. Kara

    I am so glad you have a diagnosis now and have everything crossed that they can do something for you.
    You are a great mum to Roo and don’t let your head tell you otherwise – we all have spells of major frustration with the kids, we are after all human! Sending ((hugs))

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  3. Jo

    Just wanted to pass on my best wishes to you – I too suffered a ruptured ectopic pregnancy 3 years ago, the most horrific and heartbreaking experience. I hope that by finally having a diagnosis there will be a way you can move forward & get the right treatment – good luck x x

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  4. Filipa

    Hi Charlotte, I was so sad to read this just now. I had no idea you suffer so much on a daily basis, and it just broke my heart as I know how hard it is just being a mum, and looking after children when you’re poorly is very hard work. I just wanted to encourage you and tell you that you are doing so great. You are truly a fantastic mum, blogger and you do everything you do brilliantly. You are blessed with a beautiful little girl who is so lucky to have you as her mum. I admire you very much and I’m sure she does too x

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  5. Karen Marquick

    So sorry to hear what you’ve been through Charlotte, and as for the PMDD I had never heard of it until reading this and can’t imagine how awful it must be. I hope that with diagnosis there is some sort of help/treatment available.

    As for your parenting, you do a fantastic job. One thing I have noticed is that you are never afraid to question your parenting, I always think its a skill it itself to sit back and analyse one’s own parenting and learn from looking at what you’ve done well and what didn’t work etc, in your blog you are always very open and honest about these things.

    As a regular reader I am always here to listen/read, and hopefully send some virtual support.

    Hugs

    K x
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  6. Susan Mann

    Hugs lovely. Wish I could help xx
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  7. Alice (@mumsmakelists)

    Heart really goes out to you – so little is said about long term consequences of ectopic pregnancies.

    The Baby Shower Link Party this week is focused on pregnancy health, and if you felt OK about it , I would really value you linking up this post. We’re trying to bring together lots of pregnancy health posts in one place to provide a resource for other mums suffering with these conditions – Alice @ Mums Make Lists xx

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