It’s weird, Roo has always been a confident sociable toddler. Since she was 6 months old she’s gone to childminders and then nursery and then a pre-school group and has been used to being around other adults, away from us and making new friends. However, since we took her away from nursery and I became her primary carer things have shifted and it seems she is suffering from some form of separation anxiety.
I noticed it first of all just after we came back off holiday and I couldn’t leave the room without her asking for me. If I tried to go out for a run she would get anxious that I wasn’t coming back, and if I discipline her with time out in her room and walk away till she calms down she screams till she’s pink in the face that I must come back and I cannot leave her. Furthermore leaving her with certain relatives has sometimes been proving problematic.
Last night Roo got upset about going for a sleepover at nanny’s (not the first time in recent months), and also apparently played nanny up this morning to get washed and dressed and then promptly spent 45 minutes screaming for me. Tonight Daddy E is out and despite being told he was going out I’ve had 45 minutes of screaming “I want my daddy, where’s my daddy, come back daddy” from her and it is truly heartbreaking.
At the playgroup we went to on Thursday with @PetitMew and her lovely son Alex, although Roo was forthcoming with Alex she was reserved with the other group children and very shy at joining in the group activities. Nanny also took her to dancing on Friday and she spent most of the 30 minute lesson gripping on for dear life to nanny and only joining in if nanny got up too.
I can understand that right now Roo’s mind is probably in turmoil. She’s been uprooted from her pre-school, her friends and the routine she’s had for the last three years. She’s gone from having fun filled, active non stop days to having days at home with me where no matter how hard I try I just don’t seem to be able to amuse her and keep her as attention in the same way they did at pre-school.
She understands that she’s starting big school in September but I am worried that she’s becoming really attached to being around me and that as such it is going to make it really difficult on that first day I take her to school on my own. How will we cope if she refuses to let go and join the other children? What am I supposed to do to make this transition easy for her? How can I give her the reassurance she needs that I am her mum and I will always be here for her?
Right now, it seems she is so worried that I am going to leave her and not come back and I don’t know how to convince her that this isn’t happening and to give her the confidence and security that her little world hasn’t collapsed, it is just changing.
This is so hard. I’m a mum of 3 & also a childminder so I deal with separation anxiety regularly. You are the centre of your child’s world, so naturally your child does not want to leave it to chance that you might leave her and not come back. Therefore your child needs to learn this reassurance by you leaving her for short periods which can be gradually extended to teach that you will always come back. Leave her with a trusted friend or relative – she will scream the place down, but do not prolong the goodbye, simply reassure her that you will return. After a few experiences like this she will feel confident that you will return and the goodbye will become easier. In the meantime, expect lots of tears (from you both!) but you will get there in the end.