Nothing like being kicked when you’re down

So as most of you know I have been poorly sick for nigh on two weeks now; what started off as a bit of a mild dose of flu with aches and a head cold progressed into full blown bronchitis and I’ve been working from home last week.

As the week went on things got progressively worse and finally I managed to get back into see my GP (it’s harder than breaking into the Pentagon believe me) to get some more tablets as the first lot were as useful as a chocolate fireguard. So my bronchitis is worse apparently which means stronger tablets, also going for a chest x-ray and then two lots of blood tests for white cell count and thyroid problems.

Then as if I didn’t already feel bad enough I was asked to get on the scales. Now I have a major aversion to scales. I don’t weigh myself, won’t have scales in the house and don’t believe in the whole BMI crap that hasn’t been updated since the end of the war.

I really do try to eat well, I follow a healthy meal regime thanks to Slimavite and this helps with my portion control as well as setting out a balanced meal. I listen to my Slimpods to help my subconscious keep me away from tempting foods and binge eating and although I don’t actually “workout” I do 5 – 10 minute workouts every other day with my kettlebell to help muscle tone.

So when the scales rotated round to 80kg and the doctor announced in a stern and disapproving voice “was I aware I was obese?” I was about ready to hit him. Obese…seriously this is not how I see myself. My clothes are a size 16 – they’ve dropped from an 18 since I started doing all of the above and I have struggled with my weight most of my life. When I think of obese people I think of the people on supersize -v- superskinny and other shows like A Year to Save My Life.

A typical meal day for me is as follows:-

  • Bowl of Weetabix and semi skimmed milk for breakfast
  • Snack at 11am usually Belvita biscuits
  • Lunch can be pasta & pesto, ham sandwich, beans on toast – maybe a packet of reduced fat crisps and an apple.
  • Dinner for us is typically something like chicken with peppers and tortilla wraps and fresh salsa

During the week I don’t drink and myself and the other half consume two bottles of wine at weekends.

I find the term derogatory, outdated and hurtful. He offered no help – no chance for me to say well what could we do – no insight as to how I could change from obese to “normal” (whatever that is these days) or even ask me how I felt about this. I was simply shown the door and told to come back on Thursday for my blood tests.

Looking at the BMI calculator on the NHS website I am laughing at my ideal weight. I am 5ft 5 and I should be around 9 stone. I was 9 stone when I got married in 2003. That took 18 months of hard core dieting to lose 3 stone to get to that and 7 days a week twice a day in the gym. I don’t have the time or the inclination to do that now or the money to shell out on a gym membership.

I came away feeling massively dejected – have as a result spent the whole weekend not only feeling very under the weather but incredibly worthless and ashamed of my body and the way I look. I actually got to a point yesterday of thinking that I wish the tests would just find out why I cannot lose weight so I knew what was the matter with me.

The Mummy Blogger

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I find that media is obsessed with how we look or are supposed to look and going shopping is something I hate doing now as I am fed up of going into shops and finding nothing that fits or clothes that fit badly.  I look at photos of myself and whilst I don’t think I look fantastic I certainly don’t think I look obese…maybe I am wrong and I have convinced myself to ignore my flaws.

Here’s a recent shot of me taken for a newspaper.  I look pretty tired but this was the first week of the bronchitis and I was full of flu.  I think the makeup artist had done a good job of hiding the majority of my red eyes!

So what am I going to do about it? I really don’t know. I’ve done prescription drugs to make you lose weight and they don’t work. The diet becomes too restrictive for me when cooking for a family and running round as most mums do.

I will keep up with my bite plan on the Slimavite weight loss programme as this has been invaluable for portion control but I have invested in a workout DVD this morning on Amazon.

After a bit of research and watching of clips I plumped for Jennifer Ellison’s Fat Blaster Workout. I liked the idea of short 20 minute workouts. I don’t have much more time than that when I come in from work before I do the school run and I am certainly not doing exercise of an evening after dinner at 8pm.

I will be brutally honest over the next couple of weeks and post up my measurements to see if it starts to make a difference. One thing is for certain I won’t be asking my GP for help and I won’t be looking at any BMI charts for motivation.

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One comment

  1. Karaguppy says:

    Sending you lots and lots of love. You look beautiful in your pic too. I don’t agree with BMI charts – if you’re muscly and super fit you register as with a high BMI.
    I register as overweight and whilst I agree I should lose a few pounds, I’m not going to obsess about it. That said I’ve started using my slim pod again and now the weather is getting better eliza is big enough my trusty bike and baby seat are coming out of hibernation!
    Chin up chick and concentrate on getting better x x

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