So as most of you know I have been poorly sick for nigh on two weeks now; what started off as a bit of a mild dose of flu with aches and a head cold progressed into full blown bronchitis and I’ve been working from home last week.
As the week went on things got progressively worse and finally I managed to get back into see my GP (it’s harder than breaking into the Pentagon believe me) to get some more tablets as the first lot were as useful as a chocolate fireguard. So my bronchitis is worse apparently which means stronger tablets, also going for a chest x-ray and then two lots of blood tests for white cell count and thyroid problems.
Then as if I didn’t already feel bad enough I was asked to get on the scales. Now I have a major aversion to scales. I don’t weigh myself, won’t have scales in the house and don’t believe in the whole BMI crap that hasn’t been updated since the end of the war.
I really do try to eat well, I follow a healthy meal regime thanks to Slimavite and this helps with my portion control as well as setting out a balanced meal. I listen to my Slimpods to help my subconscious keep me away from tempting foods and binge eating and although I don’t actually “workout” I do 5 – 10 minute workouts every other day with my kettlebell to help muscle tone.
So when the scales rotated round to 80kg and the doctor announced in a stern and disapproving voice “was I aware I was obese?” I was about ready to hit him. Obese…seriously this is not how I see myself. My clothes are a size 16 – they’ve dropped from an 18 since I started doing all of the above and I have struggled with my weight most of my life. When I think of obese people I think of the people on supersize -v- superskinny and other shows like A Year to Save My Life.
A typical meal day for me is as follows:-
- Bowl of Weetabix and semi skimmed milk for breakfast
- Snack at 11am usually Belvita biscuits
- Lunch can be pasta & pesto, ham sandwich, beans on toast – maybe a packet of reduced fat crisps and an apple.
- Dinner for us is typically something like chicken with peppers and tortilla wraps and fresh salsa
During the week I don’t drink and myself and the other half consume two bottles of wine at weekends.
I find the term derogatory, outdated and hurtful. He offered no help – no chance for me to say well what could we do – no insight as to how I could change from obese to “normal” (whatever that is these days) or even ask me how I felt about this. I was simply shown the door and told to come back on Thursday for my blood tests.
Looking at the BMI calculator on the NHS website I am laughing at my ideal weight. I am 5ft 5 and I should be around 9 stone. I was 9 stone when I got married in 2003. That took 18 months of hard core dieting to lose 3 stone to get to that and 7 days a week twice a day in the gym. I don’t have the time or the inclination to do that now or the money to shell out on a gym membership.
I came away feeling massively dejected – have as a result spent the whole weekend not only feeling very under the weather but incredibly worthless and ashamed of my body and the way I look. I actually got to a point yesterday of thinking that I wish the tests would just find out why I cannot lose weight so I knew what was the matter with me.
I find that media is obsessed with how we look or are supposed to look and going shopping is something I hate doing now as I am fed up of going into shops and finding nothing that fits or clothes that fit badly. I look at photos of myself and whilst I don’t think I look fantastic I certainly don’t think I look obese…maybe I am wrong and I have convinced myself to ignore my flaws.
Here’s a recent shot of me taken for a newspaper. I look pretty tired but this was the first week of the bronchitis and I was full of flu. I think the makeup artist had done a good job of hiding the majority of my red eyes!
So what am I going to do about it? I really don’t know. I’ve done prescription drugs to make you lose weight and they don’t work. The diet becomes too restrictive for me when cooking for a family and running round as most mums do.
I will keep up with my bite plan on the Slimavite weight loss programme as this has been invaluable for portion control but I have invested in a workout DVD this morning on Amazon.
After a bit of research and watching of clips I plumped for Jennifer Ellison’s Fat Blaster Workout. I liked the idea of short 20 minute workouts. I don’t have much more time than that when I come in from work before I do the school run and I am certainly not doing exercise of an evening after dinner at 8pm.
I will be brutally honest over the next couple of weeks and post up my measurements to see if it starts to make a difference. One thing is for certain I won’t be asking my GP for help and I won’t be looking at any BMI charts for motivation.